Obama vs. Godzilla

The year is 2012 and the people of the United States are fed up with both inefficient, incompetent political parties. But along comes a major international celebrity who announces himself as third party independent candidate. The public goes wild!

Godzilla is here to save us from American Politics!

Picture the 2012 Presidential debates:

MODERATOR: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the 2012 Presidential debates. Let me introduce the particpants. We have President Barack Obama on the left (Sitting, I mean) and a generic Republican is on the right. (Sitting, I mean.) On the center seat we have the two cosmic fairies from Monster Island, who are the spokes-fairies for the Independent candidate Mr. Godzilla. The candidate himself is attending via video tele-conferencing, because he's just a little too big for the stage. Now we'll have some opening comments. We'll start with you Mr. Republican.

REPUBLICAN: I protest Mr. Godzilla entering the Presidential race. He is not from this country.

FAIRIES: Not true. Godzilla is a mutated Tyrannosaurus. They are North American dinosaurs. Godzilla is as native to your country as the American Indians.

REPUBLICAN: I still say he's an immigrant. He probably snuck over the border.

FAIRIE: No, he stepped over the border. Godzilla doesn't sneak.

MODERATOR: President Obama, do you have any comment at this time?

OBAMA: I just want to say to the American people...Yes we can!

Godzilla roars on the screen.

FARIES: Godzilla asks "You can do what?"

OBAMA: Well, uh, anything we want.

Godzilla roars again.

FAIRIES: Godzilla want to know if you can shoot a heat ray out of your mouth and destroy an army in one breath.

OBAMA: well, no, we can't do that.

Godzilla roars.

FAIRIES: Then Godzilla suggests you stop saying "Yes we can", because you clearly can't do anything you want. Unlike him, who does whatever he wants, whenever he wants.

MODERATOR: We will begin now. The first question is to Mr. Republican. What would you do about the violence and combat in Libya, Afghanistan and Iraq?

REPUBLICAN: More troops! More bombs! Let's finish what we started!

MODERATOR: Mr. President, what do you say to that?

OBAMA: Let me answer that in two ways. To the Republicans, I want to remind you that we nailed that Gadhafi bastard! To the Democrats, I say bring the troops home. Peace is the only answer.

MODERATOR: And now we throw the question over to Mr. Godzilla.

Godzilla roars.

FAIRIES: Godzilla says that the minute he takes office, he will walk over to those countries personally and if they don't surrender immediately, he will destroy them all in one day, and be back in time for the 6:00 news coverage.

REPUBLICAN: Hey, that sounds pretty good. I like this guy. Too bad he's an immigrant.

MODERATOR: And now to the subject of terrorism. We'll start with you, Mr. Godzilla. How would you deal with terrorism?

Godzilla roars.

FAIRIES: He would eat the terrorists. He will chew them up and spit them out. Once word of this gets around, he predicts the rate of terrorism will drop considerably.

REPUBLICAN: Hey, he's got some good ideas. Too bad he's not a republican.

MODERATOR: Mr. President. What do you say?

OBAMA: I just want to say that terrorism is a bane on humanity and I will do everything in my power to see that...

Godzilla roars again.

OBAMA: What's he roaring about now?

FAIRIES: He's not. He's yawning. You are very boring.

REPUBLICAN: Hah! He got you there, you lefty, liberal bastard!

MODERATOR: Mr. President, what about the environmental problems, such as the BP oil spill?

OBAMA: There are no easy answers. Let me say to the Republicans that I am not against big business and support our corporations. To the Democrats, I say that I hate evil corporations and I will be a green President.

MODERATOR: Mr. Republican? Your thoughts.

REPUBLICAN: The hell with all this liberal, lefty, tree-hugging, flower-child garbage! Corporations are people too! It's their God given right to pollute!

MODERATOR: Mr. Godzilla. your thoughts on this topic?

Godzilla roars.

FAIRIES: Godzilla would have sipped up the BP oil spill with a big straw until the water was clean. As for pollution, he will get his friend Hedorah the Smog Monster to eat up all the pollution in the air.

REPUBLICAN: Ugh, liberal, bleeping heart!

MODERATOR: Mr. President, you've called the republicans obstructionists.

OBAMA: Yes, they have been unwilling to discuss things with us. They are the party of 'No'!

REPUBLICAN: That is not true! We are willing to discuss things. It's a lie and I refuse to discuss this with him any further!

MODERATOR: Mr. Godzilla, what would you do about obstructionism and government gridlock?

Godzilla roars.

FAIRIES: Godzilla dares anyone to say no to him.

MODERATOR: Our next question...

Godzilla roars.

FAIRIES: Godzilla says the time is up.

MODERATOR: But we have a lot of time left.

FAIRIES: It's over when Godzilla says it's over.

MODERATOR: Uh, okay, fine. I guess we're out of time! Tune in for our next debate when we discuss the economy.

FAIRIES: We'll talk about whatever Godzilla wants to talk about. do you have a problem with that?

MODERATOR: Not me. I'm good. We're done. Thanks for coming everyone. Goodnight.

GODZILLA FOR PRESIDENT IN 2012.